Finding Beauty In The Ashes

Finding Beauty In the Ashes

 

Have you ever looked back at your life and thought, “Oh, if I could go back and do it over, what would I change?” Do you automatically go to a time of suffering that you would like to undo? If so you may be overlooking your “beauty in the ashes”

For many, many years I only had one true regret – only “1” thing I would change if I could go back. We’ll come back to this in just a bit.

I don’t what you to think that I led some perfect life and made all the right decisions (well except for the one previously mentioned). It’s just that I have a different way of looking at it.

 

I Wouldn’t Change it if I Could

 

First, if I had it to do over without the knowledge that I gained from going through it, I am just going to repeat the same history. And if I could have the knowledge that I have gained, well that gets confusing. The knowledge was learned through making those choices and dealing with the consequences. Therefore, if I was able to go back with that knowledge there has to come to a point in time where I lose it. There has to come a time in my life that I need to learn these things. Yes?

Second, if I had done things differently, I don’t think that I wouldn’t be where I am right now. Not saying that where I am right now is by any means “perfect.” From a worldly perspective my life is far from perfect. However, I have so much to be grateful for. I love my life as it is and I am grateful for where the Lord has brought me.

 

Surprised Plan

 

Honesty; neither of my children were planned by me. Both were a beautiful surprise to me, planed by God. They both have different fathers and they were 3 and 8 when I married my daughters’ father. As you can see I spent many years with my back turned away from God. Yet God never turned away from me. I didn’t plan to have children, God planned them perfectly, for me. He never stopped loving and caring for me. He worked out such beauty in my big mistakes. That doesn’t mean I learned these lessons easily, it was hard. However, I wouldn’t give up one single second with my children.

So, would I change these choices and risk not having these amazing people as my children? Not a chance!

 

Looking Back Through the Ashes

 

When I look back over my life I see God. I see His hands in every bit of it, even when I was walking in rebellion. Don’t get me wrong, I am not advocating for anyone to turn their back on God. I am sure my life could have been, maybe it was even “supposed” to have been easier.

What I am saying is that I don’t have regrets, I have lessons and I have this amazing story of God’s power in my life. How He can create beauty of out ashes. Romans 8:28 is true and I can see it in my own life.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.”

 Romans 8:28

 

The Last Regret

 

For about 20 years I would have said the “1” thing I would change if I could would be never to start smoking. I started smoking at the age of 15, I was very rebellious. On my first attempted to quit I at 22, and I tried and tried to quit for many years. I had a friend who would tell me, “keep practicing, practice makes perfect, you’ll get it one day.” And so that is what I did, about 3 to 6 times a year I would “quit” although I was never able to actually quit. When I turned my life back over to God, I prayed and prayed for help. I asked Him to take the urge, the physical need, make it taste nasty, flip the switch, whatever it takes. In the end, I smoked for 30 years and the “whatever it takes” turned out to be cancer.

I May Be Crazy

 

How is it that I don’t regret smoking when it caused cancer? I will not make light of cancer, I had breast cancer, this past Nov (2018) is 3 years cancer free. Still, this word “cancer” is cancer in and of itself and not just for the person with cancer it infects your family, friends, co-workers etc.… it shakes up your entire world. I realize that it sounds crazy to not regret this, let me finish before you decide if I am in fact crazy or not.

If you would like to read more about my experience with cancer, “Let’s Turn CANCER into cancer”

 

My Reasoning 

 

Being told you have cancer is earth-shattering, the crater and tremors it causes is more than I can ever fully explain. My reasoning for not regretting cancer is because of what God did in it, and how He used it. He saved my husband and our marriage. Okay, I can’t say for sure that we would have divorced if it wasn’t for cancer, I can say that we were very close and going in the wrong direction. It is very possible, I know that God is able, that God could have saved my husband and our marriage without cancer. The fact is that He did use cancer in a very dynamic way. And I would go through it again to save another soul. Although, I’d be lying if I didn’t say that there is a very big part of me hoping and praying that I never have to.

 

Trusting and Leaning on God 

 

I also learned that in begging God to take away the urge to smoke, I was going about it all wrong. God rarely will take away our trials, struggles, our suffering. He helps us get through our suffering. Somethings we have to give it all to Him, leave it at His feet and then fully lean into Him. We need hand Him our trials and ask Him for the strength to leave them in His hands, rather than picking it back up. I couldn’t quit smoking, I had proven that in all my “practicing.” I had to come to the end of myself and my strength. Realizing that only through God’s power could I be free of this bondage.

“My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

2 Cor 12:9

 

A Diamond is Beauty in the Ashes 

 

As I write I am continually reminded of how a lump of dirty, grimy coal turns into a beautiful and strong diamond. It starts out ugly, mucky. When you add enough pressure (struggles) and time (history) it becomes something strong, brilliant, and resilient. Only in God are we strong, brilliant and resilient.

 

Take Away 

 

I pray that you can see how God can take all the regret and the pain of our mistakes and turn it around for good.

This can be hard to see in the midst of the suffering. For me, it helps when I can see how He worked in and through my past. It gives me faith and strength in my current struggles. I may be suffering physically, but my spirit feels so blessed, He is caring for me.

 

God is so good; may we never overlook the beauty that He builds to our lives out of our ashes.

 

“How bright the past looks when we begin to praise God for it. When we say, “I am the man that hath seen affliction” (Lam 3:1), we are filling the cup of memory with gall and wormwood (vs19). But when we see the goodness of God in it all, we turn the handkerchief with which we wiped our tears into a flag of victory, and with holy praise, in the name of our God, we wave His banner.”

Charles Spurgeon from “The Practice of Praise”

 

For Clarification

 

The point of this article is to show how God works in our lives, how He can paint a beautiful life even out of the messes we make. When I say I have no regrets, please understand that I do have a lot of remorse and have had a lot to bring to the feet of Jesus in repentance. I know that my actions affected others and that I have caused pain to many. If I could undo the hurt that I have caused I would. That is not always possible. Yet, I am forgiven and I choose to accept forgiveness and keep going. It is my prayer that everyone can see that God brings beauty out of the ashes in their lives as well. My aim here is to give hope to those who are in the midst of the storm. God can make a diamond out of you; will you allow Him?

 

Grace and Peace

Debra Jean

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