The Proverbs 31 Woman verses the Titus 2 Woman

A Comparison

A very dear friend and sister in Christ asked me about writing a comparison of these two verses that give women examples of how to live. I’ll be honest, I had never thought of comparing them so the idea bounced off me at first, but I knew it would be good if only because I trust my friend. So, I dug in, a little uneasy and not sure how to approach.

First, I went to my knees and prayed, and prayed. I see so many women rally around Proverbs 31, but for me; my inclination has been to run. Sure, there is a ton of valuable information and help for the godly woman, yet every time I read it I feel overwhelmed, there is no possible way I can ever be anything close to this woman, this is way beyond my reach. And to be perfectly honest I found it to be depressing, is this what I am called to be? How am I ever going to have this kind of energy, God you know my physical limitations? is there a great healing that will bring an enormous amount of sustainable energy? I just don’t see it as possible.

So, I typically moved on. One thing I do know the Word of God is not oppressive, the Word of God is instructive, when I am having trouble gleaning the instruction, I wait for the Lord to show me.

Proverbs

Before I move forward, I want to be clear, there is so much to Proverbs 31, this is what the Lord has shown me, for my benefit and I hope it will benefit others, I do not wish to negate any of the positive that others are daily learning and growing out of Proverbs 31. I also hope that no woman ever reads it as a weight of impossibility to strive toward knowing it will only bring failure.

Unsure of how to approach this comparison, I started with the obvious, I read each and looked at the context. That is where things got interesting and I found a wonderful relief that had been sitting under my nose from the very beginning.

Proverbs is a book of short saying for wisdom, and Proverbs 31 was written by King Lemuel, he says it is the words his mother taught him. Proverb 31:10-31 may have caused me dread more than once yet, I know God created me just as I am for a reason. So, let me tell you looking at this in context was a great blessing. Look again, this is a son a King repeating what his mother taught him when he was young. Clearly his mother loved him dearly, as the very next verse says,

“What my son? and what son of my womb? and son of my vows?” Proverbs 31:2

The Proverbs 31 Woman

This mother was wise she taught her son a Prince well, how to be a wise King and how to wisely chose a wife. This woman is the most perfect woman, for her beloved son. Only this perfect woman doesn’t exist, as perfect doesn’t exist; not on earth. Maybe, it is possible that this is not one person, a mix of the best of what is the best of us?

“Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.” Proverb 31:10

Although the woman that Proverbs 31 describes is a truly virtuous woman, and we woman can look to her for inspiration, I don’t think we should ever expect to be her or even aspire to be her. We need only be what God created us to be, and be at peace with that. We can aspire to be godly woman, and look to her characteristic to show us what a godly woman looks like, yet we should never expect to measure ourselves up against her and be able to say we measure up. I don’t think that is the point.

“It is vain for you to rise up early, to sit up late, to eat the bread of sorrows: for so he giveth his beloved sleep.” Psalm 127:2

The Titus 2 Woman

Now let’s talk about The Titus 2 Woman. The Book of Titus was written by Paul to Titus who was in Crete to establish churches in every city. Paul wrote this as an instruction for church leadership and how Christians should live, he particularly focused on the older Christians who were to then teach the younger, men and woman alike.

“3 The aged woman likewise, that they be in behavior as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things: 4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Titus 2:3-5

Now this is an actual call to be, this is given as direction on how to live. The very first thing it says is that aged woman likewise, this is referring to the prior verse that states

“The aged men be sober, grave temperate, sound in faith, in charity, in patience.” Titus 2:2

What we are called to be…

We are called to be these sound people of God, who walk sober, in faith, charity and patience. But wait, there is more, we are also called to “be in behavior as becometh holiness” okay….and I thought Proverbs 31 was the mission impossible for us women. Just what is that supposed to mean, and who determines its definition? Thankfully, as we keep reading Paul explains exactly what this means, what this woman looks like, and what her priorities are.

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   She is not a false accuser; so she is honest and steps up if she knows she is in the wrong. This isn’t always easy. It is so much easier to point the finger the other way. Or maybe not point the finger, just deflect the attention away from you. Rather than taking responsibility for your mistake.

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   She is not given to much wine; there is nothing wrong with enjoying wine, the problems come when it becomes more than that. Straight up, if you enjoy being drunk, drinking more than you know you should, you probably shouldn’t drink at all. Some people can’t drink. If you think you may have an issue with drinking take it to the Lord in prayer, and then listen to what He has to say.

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   Teachers of good things; this may seem a little vague on the surface, yet when it is put in the context of an older woman setting an example for the younger women, I think it means in all things. In all things, we enjoy in our everyday life. Our hobbies, our ministries, how we give of our time and energies and how we organize our priorities.

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   To teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children. Let’s face it raising a family is demanding work. Moms need help, someone that can come alongside them and understand while at the same time give tips and encouragement. As a young wife and mother, you may think you know what you are doing, or you may not. But the truth is, you really don’t, 10 years from now you will understand so much better how your husband wants you to love him. And when you are a grandmother you will be a much better mother than you ever could have been to your children. You’ll see this in time. For now, you can gain some of this knowledge from the older women around you. Many older women in your church would love to mentor you. They don’t want to push in and be rude though. Ask them if they are willing to share their knowledge, I will bet 9 out of 10 will say yes and be so glad you asked. Our culture today makes this one a lot more difficult I think, I know when I was the young mom, I wouldn’t have asked and now that I am the “older woman” I am so worried about butting in where I’m not welcome. We don’t live in the village anymore, and our thoughts are usually not welcome in their home.

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   To be discreet; to dress in a manner that is becoming a woman of God. We have no reason to wear a bag that has no shape, and we have no reason to wear a skirt that is to short or a shirt that is too low cut. We can be beautiful woman without being overtly “sexy” leave the “sexy” for you husband only. As far as what is discreet and acceptable, that should be between you and God and between you and your husband. If you are comfortable, your don’t have any conviction from God that maybe you could/should change and your hubby is comfortable in what you ware, don’t let anyone else determine what is “discreet” for you. Not the busy body at church and not your teenager.

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   To be chaste; an unmarried woman should be taught the importance of saving herself for marriage. Any unmarried Christian woman should be expected to do so.Today’s culture is very much against this idea, yet we can see in the Bible the damage that is done to the body and soul in acts of fornication. And our young girls should know this, they should understand all that is at stake. They should also know what a beautiful gift sex is within a marriage. And what an invaluable gift waiting is, to be able to give yourself in total to your husband.

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   Keepers at home; I think this goes to our priorities. Taking a look at what a woman’s priorities ought to be. 1. God 2. Husband 3. Children 4. Home; the home will stay at number 4 even if you work outside of the home. Personally, I wish I had learned this one earlier on. Once I heard that the woman is the thermostat of the house. I think that is very true. Think about it, all you do is what makes it a home. Men are great, they can help ton, cook, clean, laundry, all of it. But when it comes to making 3 bedrooms 2 baths, a living room, family room and kitchen into a home, there are not very many men that can do that. We woman, whether we have kids, are married or single we like to make our living space our own. Make it comfortable, this is an essential element for the family, it is your job to keep the home a home and keep it running efficiently.

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   Good! Okay, that seems simple, again I think the point here is that you are doing these things well. With intention. We are not sitting around the house doing next to nothing until an hour before dad comes home, that we take our work and our responsibilities seriously. To do a good job, at all we do.

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   Now we are down to the final charge to women, and it is a big one; obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. I’ll admit, I fought for years against this obedient to your husband thing. I felt like we were partners and equals, yada, yada, yada…. I didn’t know what I was talking about. The absolute show stopper for me was that I didn’t want to do anything that would blaspheme the Word of God. And that is exactly what we do when we are not willing to obey our own husband. When I put the two together, as it is written, if I am not being obedient then I am being blasphemous; it hit me like a two by four on the back of the head. How had I read this for so many years and not realized what it said? I hope you’ve had moments like this, I’ve had more than a few of them.

Closing Summary

Proverbs was written as instruction for a King by his mother, and may possibly be a description of the perfect woman. Titus was written for instruction on how a Christian should live and lead a godly life. Both offer good challenging advice to women, on how we are to live, and set our priorities. We are to love our husbands and our children, work hard at home, teach others by example, lead and help the younger women. And yes, obey our husbands. Our priorities should be First God, second our husband, third our children, and forth our home. Even if we don’t understand the direction of the Lord, we need to follow it, and trust that God has good reason to give these instructions. I truly believe by living a life as God has called us to will reap more than living by what we can “understand” today. Tomorrow our understanding can change. Have faith, God knows what is best.

If you have a Proverbs 31 or Titus 2 Woman insight or example, I would love to hear about it.